Bonita's Thoughts

Baby Do Me

2006-01-01T23:33:00.000-05:00

Soft music playing on the radio
He lifts me up in the middle of the floor
Pulling my body down to meet his waist
He sucks my bosom, since it's in his face

I scream, I cum, I tremor, until my legs get limber
Knowing that I wanted much more of what ever he had instore.
Baby please do me, give your loving to me like you did before.

Hey lay me down onto the loveseat
Around my neck you will find my feet
Bodies pounding, moving in and out
Grunting, sounding until he releases a shout

He pumping fast as he's gripping my ass
while telling me how good he feels
Through out the night I hope this moment last
Because he givin me such a thrill

That's right honey, give your body to me
You make scream, as you release your precious cream.
I love the way you do you thing, that's right honey Do me..... 010106

2005-10-29T14:05:00.000-04:00

Being Me

Forgive me if I mislead you
I wasn't trying to turn you on
I am aware of my sexual energy
that's just the way I was born

I might appear to be flirting
but don't take it to the extreme
I'm only expressing what's on my mind
and my feelings towards certain things

I'm aware of my sexual innuendos and most
of the experiences that I've partake;
I have no need to lie about my past
or be pretentious or a fake

I never promise anyone anything
other then a gathering of close friends
I'll never say that I'm going to do you
or any other man.

I can understand how I'm being misinterpret
but I love ONE MAN so please don't forget it

102905 Bonita Jacobs

2005-10-09T00:16:00.000-04:00

Do you feel that the dead thinks about those
people that they leave behind
Do you think they miss you or do you never
or hardly cross their mind

Sometimes I wonder if they remember me
like I was back then or wonder about my current life
Most of my memories of them died

So do you think she remember me?
Do you think he miss me?

I always wondered what happen to people
after their life expired
Do they get to keep their memories
of love ones they left behind
do you believe they watches you go
through your everyday routine
do they guide you in directing you
to paths that are hard to find

Sometimes when I cry for her I feel
a surge of comfort come over me
As if they were in the room with me
I think she still loves me
I think he still remember's me

Even though they died, they never leave
they will always be a part of you........Bonita 100705

Setting My Heart Free

2005-09-18T19:41:00.000-04:00

You've been on my mind,
every since our last phone call;
I've been hiding from you,
because I was afraid to fall.
I think about you constantly,
since I'm not ready to set my heart free.

You want to take it further,
But I'm not ready to let go;
I don't want to make big steps, so
why can't we just take it slow.
I've been hurt so many times before
so I'm afraid to open up, then your walking out the door.

So many men have came in and out of my life,
Some even wanted me as their wife;
A few times I was tempted to get it a try,
But they were not faithful so I had to say goodbye;
So I was left alone to cry, because I can't deal with lies.

So if you're serious, I am willing to stick by you,
My heart is not a game to be played by a fool;
I'm looking for love one on one,
So if you are willing we can have some fun.

Bonita Jacobs 091805

2005-09-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered why people flock to you?
Have you ever stop to think what was their view?
Have you ever thought to ask them their opinion
of what their true feeling were of you?

Some people tend to cling for the wrong reasons
Some people tend to misconceive you too
Some people tend to hang around for one season
Some people never get to know the real you.

Have you ever thought they saw something that you do not see
Have you ever thought it was something you tried to hide
Have you ever thought it was beautiful and evolving
or was it dramatic enough for you to push aside.

Some people claim to see you inner feeling
by looking directly into your eyes
Some people can tell if you are suffering
even though you smile to cover your lies. ........091005

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

2005-09-05T19:22:00.000-04:00

Last night I made love to my husband, even though there was nothing unusual about us making love this time it was totally special. A song came on the radio "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" if you have never truly listen to this song you should. It leaves me in tears everytime I hear it. Mik held me in his arms assuring me that everything is okay, I can stop crying now. Is it that easy? Sometimes I dwell on the past eventhough the present is more stable. Sometimes old habits are hard to break. But hopefully I can stop crying like Malik said. There will be no more smoke cloudy my missions in life.......Bonita

Putting Down My Pen

2005-09-02T21:37:00.000-04:00

Today my mother in-law found out that I write erotic poetry....smut was her choice word. which set be back a bit because poetry is my venue and I can tell that she does not support me as a poet. So how am I going to handle this situation.....You know me at first I was ready to put down my pen and stop writing.....well that didn't last too long and hopefully it won't work because I live to create. I could only imagine what Mimi is saying to Malik about my poetry.....Malik is my husband and if he dislike my genre I will give it up....I won't be happy about it but I am willing to change for him................Bonita

Bonita's Thoughts

2005-09-02T12:14:00.000-04:00

There is no theological reason why I must cling to you
I should not have these desires but I do

I can not control my thoughts

I could not deny the fact that I have a ting for you
As I live & breathe and witness your every mood

I dare not retain my thoughts

I sigh whenever you are near, even though you
have not noticed that I am here, there is no rejection
to my reflection since there is no recollection of my intentions

I can not explain my thoughts

I stare at you in amazement, memorizing your walk,
your talk that voice and the way you articulate your words

I dare not complain of my thoughts

I dreamt that I shared your space, breathe your air and tasted your sweat.
Yet it is only a dream. The mere of your skin resting against mine, makes me break out in a sweat, makes my kitty wet but it will do my body just fine.

I will not remove my thoughts

All I have now is my dreams, collective memories to mesmerize in.
I fantasize of our union, an event so far fetched yet attainable

I will not reframed from my thoughts
090105

Us Women

2005-08-31T22:43:00.000-04:00

There comes a time in every woman's life

when she has to take a close look at herself.

Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair

life is, or not at whom made you do it. She has to just look at

herself in all her glory and imperfection. Have you ever admired

a woman who has been through changes in her life?

Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up.

Before you make this mistake, take a closer look. A woman who has

endured the most unusual life is someoneof wisdom, someone

who has been chosen by God to go through

things that have made her stronger. Think of all the great

women in the Bible: MaryMagdalene,

Ruth and Naomi, the woman with an issue of blood flow, and

Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman.

But by the time Jesus was done with her,

she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunate in marrying

an abusive man, but by the time God wasdone with her,

she had married one of the wealthiest men in the

land. Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of

trying to hold her up. Before you wonder,

"What's up with her?" ask yourself, "What's up with me?"

That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law,

stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor,

friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could be me. Women are

the carriers of life, not the channels of death.

Let's build and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi.

Encourage and Love, Forgive and Forget, and Trus that

the woman that receives this will be touched in some way.

May peace and love be onto you.......

Greed

2005-08-29T19:45:00.000-04:00

I must Confess
One night I lay across my bed
then an image of you crossed my head
But you know that I have a man
so what might me think of you
That's a though I could never understand
Yet I laid their in fantasized about you
I imagine your strong hands
tracing the contours of my body
as I reached out to grasp your touch
Forgetting that you were not in reach
which left me wanting, you more, your lust
Even though my man is all that I need
I beg to one day get lost in your realms
And to think some people may see it as greed
My lust for you continues to overwhelms,
The pure pleasure that I give myself from one thought of you
I mound my soul as I reach deeper to cover myself in dew
I should feel guilty but I do not because desire has taken center stage
So all I am asking of you my dear is to give me that chance to assuage.....B

Lo

2005-08-29T18:54:00.000-04:00

All my life I have been confused of your existence
To the point where I had deep embedded scars
Now that I recalled my true mother brilliance
I feel the need to know more about her
You made me feel like a motherless child
Treating me as if I was a bad omen
All because I was Papa's bastard child to you
With out me ever knowing
Now that I am a mother, I have rekindled that pain
Yet the mere thought of treating my children
they way you did me, would be totally insane
I have never intentionally hurt you yet you
continue to say vicious things; Trying to bring me
down to your level whenever you get into your mood swings.
So why call me if you have problems being hospitable.
I have learned to shelter you out of my life because I really don't need you Lo

Hunted By Many Tamed By One

2005-08-21T22:55:00.000-04:00

I was hunted by many and tamed by one
Say whatever you want to say because it
has already been done.

Don't pretend that you are capable of
sweeping me off my feet because I've
already been swept.
Don't claim to have the sweetest meat
because my needs are being met

So just do me a favor and keep on moving
because I love my Boo
Cause I don't need no more interruptions
from them nor you

My man loves me and I got his back
There's nothing here to ponder, it's a well known fact

I might talk shit on any given night
But this here is all his and he knows that's right.

So I don't care if your cock is as long as California
or as short as Maine
There's only one man that I want to end my nights with
because he got me tamed................082105

Come Home Niala

2005-08-16T23:45:00.000-04:00

Tonight I'm sitting here waiting patiently for you
There is no hesitating because your time is due

Come Home
Niala I'm calling you
Come Home

Your Daddy's is growing so impatient,
your big Brother just can't wait
You have Aunts & Uncles going crazy
awaiting your homecoming date

Come Home
Niala we love you so
Come Home
We're ready to watch you grow

We painted your room lavender
and Daddy built you a crib
Now we are ready for your arrival
To give you all the love two parents can give

Come Home
Niala,
Come Home

081605

Could You Imagine........

2005-08-12T15:45:00.000-04:00

Could you imagine your death, without family or friends,
No one around to see you off, ,just the memories of days back then

Could you imagine not being loved, yet living a long sad life
It's sort of like, you haven't lived life at all, can you imagine the lonely nights

Can you imagine facilitating your most articulate speech yet no one understands a word
Can you imagine feeling depressed and the ignorant thinks it's absurd.

Can you imagine satisfying your greed, when others go hungry
How can one say that they are rich, while others live poorly

Could you imagine writing a blog that no one ever reads
Could you imagine thinking of a fabulous idea, yet no one else agrees

Could you imagine crying for help, yet no one sees your tears;
Could you imagine acting brave, yet living your life in fear.

Could you imagine being gifted, but you lost the ability to create;
Could you imagine keeping precise time yet always showing up late.

I guess we all are human, so we tend to experience some of these things;
But then again can you imagine sleeping every night and not being able to dream.

081205

Untitled

2005-08-11T17:59:00.000-04:00

I got something to share with you
Before you hear rumors thataren’t true,
about some things thatI have done or do.
I want to share these before you hear what other’s say.

I have not always been a good gurl
I can say that I have traveled the world
I know exactly well, how to use my pearls
and I use it well every day.

I have not always been on the right track
I drank a lot, I smoked weed but I never did crack
Had my share of men and don’t want them back
I’m sexually curious but I’ll be damn if I am gay.

At this time, I am so into you
Because of the things, you put my body thru
If I had to chance to make my dreams come true
If I asked to do you, what would you say?

080605

If I Shall Die Tonight

2005-08-08T06:09:00.000-04:00

Last night Luna & I was watching Six Feet Under and to both of our surprise Nat died other having brain surgery (talk about bad timing) well we both cried because last night episode was the saddest funeral I have ever witness.

I never told anyone but a few weeks ago while I was in the hospital I dreamt of my death. It was confusing because we were near a sandy road and I was with Niala and Rodrigo. She was a beautiful little girl and Roddie was handsome as always. I don't recall Malik being there but I saw myself in a casket it was like an outer body experience. I always wondered was there any merit to that dream. Wouldn't it be odd if we as immortal souls knew exactly how we were going to exit life? When I fainted after Julio's death Vonita appeared in my dreams I asked her was I dead and she answered no honey, I asked her was the baby okay and she said "Don't worry about a thing you are going to have a beautiful little girl, Niala is fine" I woke up crying because I believed my mother, every since I've seen her photo of her teaching her class, that face has appeared in my most worrisome dreams.

Today I pray for Luna, becaue she is going under a knife, the tumor is benign so it's time to remove it. She keeps thinking that she's not going to live thru this and she even had the nerve to discuss the welfare of her children with me. That's a heavy task but for her I would never question it because she like a Sister to me and I love her............................Bo

Thalia, Thalia, Thalia

2005-08-06T09:55:00.000-04:00

Today Luna told me that I was attractive to exotic looking women. Well she may have a point there because I have a thing for Shakira, Luna, Claudia and everyone that knows me knows exactly how I feel about Thalia. She's a beautiful sister, her family is from India but she's american born. She follows here heritage but she's a typical american freak. She's a teaser too, mean from India mistake her for a bollywood actress Nanyah Nair. and Thalia knows she's not Nanya but she signs autographs anyway.................That's Thalia Sagal in the photo...........If I shall ever place my lips on another woman it would be her..................Bo

Hey You Get Of My Mountain

2005-08-02T23:41:00.000-04:00

Hey you, get off my mountain,
Hey you get off my cloud,
Hey you get off my mountain,
Your just trying to bring me down...........The Dramatics

This morning while I was talking on the phone with my sister I could not help but overhear my nemesis in the background. She was saying words that cut thru my heart like a machete. Some people try like hell to get undermy skin but I manage to shield them off. But then their are others that can slip right thru with ease causing havoc in my peacfull little world. Lolita is the latter of the two....today she accused me of being like my "putee a madre de asno". Stealing a good man from his wife. That bitch gives me the blues but I have no memory of my mother. I was only three years old when she passed so I don't know anything of her personality. I will admit that when I met Malik we were both married but I never thew myself at him. All we did was talk, we talked about everything and anything that two mature adults would talk about.....

During the ten years of his seperation from Linda, my divorce, then finally his divorce there was no sexual activities going on between us too. So how does that make me a whore, plus who is she to say that Vonita was a whore. Papa Sergio was not a happy man, maybe my Mother put a smile on his face. Years ago when I was about to marry Julio Papa told me that "True love only comes once and it may not come at the right time but you will know when you are really in love and it's up to you to do something about it" At that time I did not fully grasp his meaning but I asked Papa was he in love and he smiled at me and answered "I was in love once long ago and she was as beautiful as you mi Bonita, she had a smile as pretty as yours and she captured my heart" I asked Papa what happened to her and again he answered "I was a married man, it could not have lasted long." I felt sad for Papa Sergio because he was not in love, and I could tell that he was not happy...

The day I met Malik , I knew exactly what Papa was trying to tell me.That was the day I fell in love and even though I was married to Julio I was not happy, so all I had to do was wait............Bo

Don't Fuck With My Gurl

2005-07-30T18:53:00.000-04:00

Today I got word that some chics on the internet is hating on one of my gurls. Well of course my hot ass got on her defense team real fast and I was ready to curse a few of those phoney ass wannabe's out. But I was like nawh somebody is going to slip up in a few days then say some stupid ass shit. Then they will finally meet the real Bonita, Not Bonita Jacobs, but Bonita Cortez that bitch that would kick ass if you said the wrong words to me. Don't fuck with my peeps that's all I have to say. They pretend to like me but tell everyone else a bunch of stupid ass shit that doesn't add up, get a fuckin life because mines will go on. So If you don't like me let me know, and I will stand clear of your ass.......Bo

Loving My Sisters

2005-07-28T19:21:00.000-04:00

Cecilia is the same age that I am wish is weird because we are not twins, not at all. But today she calls me to tell me that I was on her mind all last night. She dreamt that I was having complications with Niala's arrival. I assured her that all is well even though Niala has really been showing off the past 24 hours. I am in pain now and it was discomforting at work today and it hasn't stop yet. But anyway Cecilia called me and that made my day. Why? because we really don't talk at all and she took the time to call me and say hey "Sis whats up? I felt good afterwards. We did not argue, no negativity was released either. I was loving my Sisters today. We even did a 3 way call with Carmen too. Carmen is my big sister, she always got my back but now Cecilia is becoming a real Sister to me...and that made me feel good................Bo

2005-07-27T22:50:00.000-04:00

Searching for an exit

There's something uncomfortable about tunnels Some days I drive thru them and all is well.But on days when I am distracted by dramaand up to my nose in other people bullshit tunnels have a way of never ending. I am trying so hard to be drama free but people are throwing tainted darts at me and expect for me to smile at them in return,I see tunnels as a metaphor for my problems as if there was no ending to this bullshit. Like I'm running thru this tunnel sweating excessively because I can't find an exit to my troubles. Like drama the thought of an never ending tunnel can drive a sister batty. One night while I was driving home thrue the tunnel I broke out in a sweat, I was having a freaked out panic attack because the tunnel was taking too long to end, plus I was gunning on 55 in a 45 mph lane. Trying hard to find my exit and relieve my self of my problems...until the next time......

She Tease

2005-07-25T17:06:00.000-04:00

She tease
Yet she hide behind words,
making you read between lines
to get on the same page that she's on

She tease,
Yet she crave to touch and be touched by you.
Waiting for you to reach into the depths of her soul
Looking, searching for a connection.

Yet she tease,
hiding behind sexual innuendos and sensuous words
making you want to know what she's all about.
Thinking, dreaming, creaming to be a part of her world
Still she tease.............this is another one for you

Bonita Helena Jacobs 072505

Forgive Me Father

2005-07-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

If I was to make a list
of all the bad things I did
Would God forgive me
because of the way I lived

Dear Merciful God forgive
me for I have sinned;
If I knew what I know now
I would not have done what I did back then.

One thousand Hail Mary's
Would not have saved my soul;
As long as I embraced the things
that I should let go.

Like God's love rein on me,
There has to be a better way;
Now that I'm older now I feel
relieved when I pray.

In the name of Jesus, son of our merciful God
forgive me for I have sinned;
And if I can repent I will never take that path again.

Bonita H. Jacobs 072505

Lost Souls

2005-07-23T18:33:00.000-04:00

I lost another friend today;
It surprised me when I heard death past her way.
We all thought she was doing well;
But now we know that you can't really tell.

For many months she complained of many things
Yet know one seem to recognize her pain or screams.
She keep most of it too herself, even though she could
not handle the cards she was dealt.

She let her inner demons take control;
Until she came to realize they stole her soul.
She start believing there was nothing left;
To everyone surprise she shot herself to death.

Rest In Peace Claudia Sampson..................Bonita 072305

He Needs To Be Loved

2005-07-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I look at him and can't
believe that he is my child;
Some days I think he don't need me
and he can raise himself.

I remember years back when he yelled that he hated me
I understood that it was anger but still those words hurt me.
I provided for him everyday, regardless what some people say
Fed him, clothe him and taught him well;
yet something was still missing and I could tell.

Because he needs to be loved and I need him to love me,

I went through all sorts of crazy things to keep a roof over our head;
And on some occasions, I did not make it home to see him to bed.
Then Julio only helped me when ever I had to force him too.
As long as I was sexing him the money flow continued.

I know that it made me look like a whore,
but at the time I didn't give a damn anymore,
I had a son that needed me.
I was always there for Roddie,

Because he needs to be loved and I need him to love me,

Sometimes we can go days with out a single word to say
But deep down inside I know that he loves me
I tried not to hide our divided wall,
I want him to know that I will give him my all.

When I'm alone I sit and cry because I think that I failed him
Then he comes home and join me by my side and said what you doin.
He kisses me on my cheek and say Mom you are so beautiful
I turn my head to wipe the tears from my eyes because I don't want him to know.

Because he needs to be loved and I need him to love me.............072105

Somebody Watching You

2005-07-21T16:53:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I blogged about Herald Fishbird, the security guard who takes photos of women passing by his post/station. Well on monday after being away from work for almost a month I recieved emailed photo of me taking with some type of minimal pixel camera. On this occassion it was emailed via a cell phone with no name attached...whoever they are they were in the halls of the waiting area.........Makes a chica wonder...........Bo

I Crave Me Some Him

2005-07-21T16:37:00.000-04:00

He's like my morning coffee
He puts a pep in my step
He puts a smile on my face
leaving me fulfilled and wet.

He like that afternoon meal
That gets me thru the day;
Feeding all my cravings
in so many ways.

He's like that midnight snack
he's my special treat.
Giving me just enough pleasure
to rock me to sleep. 072105

Trouble In Paradise

2005-07-19T12:00:00.000-04:00

People step to me asking
was their trouble in paradise
So I said nawh everything is alright,
aint no drama in my married life
You see we use feng shui
so my home is in harmony
There is no conflict between Malik & me.
Even though we had occasions
where thing didn't look blissfully
We get along well with Niala and Roddie,
So I had to ask who said
that and she answered somebody;
Well it's obvious that
somebody does not know me.
Or they would not be
asking crap with no degree.
If they want answers why
don't they just ask me.
It's a shame how some
people feed on drama
So they prance around starting shit;
Dropping lies wherever they sit it fit.
And to top it off people are eager to believe it.....for real yall......Boney

Strictly Poetry

2005-07-18T19:42:00.000-04:00

You can take me out of context,
As long as you continue to give
respect in the beliefs I hold in me.

You can claim not to feel the same as I do
yet my words will remain as they were
inspired to,I write for expression not fame.

You can sell a million books or more,
stock the shelves of Barnes & Noble store;
Yet it has no substance, so why are you bragging.

A poet is like a free spirit,
they write what's on their mind
Sometimes you might not understand it,
but to them it was important at that time.

You can read my words and make comments,
you can misunderstand and reply with a vent
But it's Strictly Poetry,a gift that's heaven sent.

Pressure

2005-07-16T16:19:00.000-04:00

The pressure of failed love
carved deep indentations in my life
Sometimes the pain hits me in
the middle of the night

Then I meet someone
who wants to treat me right
That same pressure returns to
resume it's flight

Sometimes that pressure
makes me feel inadequate
as if I wasn't meant to endure true love.
So I tend to magnetize myself towards bullshit
Since the real love I was not worthy of.

After so many shares of unworthy affairs
I wonder if I can handle a one on one;
On most nights I am tempted, I may flirt
a little bit but I know when the line is drawn.

I want to prove to myself that I am capable
of being loved and that he needs to understand.
It is a must for him to know that for no one else my heart glows
he is forever loved, because he is my man.

Conversations With God

2005-07-14T20:38:00.000-04:00

Today Ros and I had a lunch date. Just in case you don't know she works for the Maryland School Of The Blind. While I was there I met two of her pupils Tayvon & Cameron. Cameron is what Nettie calls a bopper. He wobbles his head a little so he has to stay in a harness. Tayvon is cool unlike Cameron he can talk very well. I questioned my tolerance to be able to handle children with disabilities. Then my past resurfaced I was a straight up weedhead, courtesy of Julio but thats another story. I thought about Niala having some type of physical limitations but of course Ya Ya told me that I should be okay because I didn't toke every night. Plus I stopped as soon as I became pregnant last summer. But as I was saying Cameron and Tayvon laughed to themselves sporadically. It nerved me so I asked Ros does it bother her when they laugh out like that and she answered. "It's all good he just told them another joke" "Who I ask?" These boys are having a private conversation with GOD, she answered..............I was like wow I never thought of it that why. But I remembered in a poem Ros wrote asking why newborn babies smile. They might also be having conversations with GOD..............Bonita

In My Dreams

2005-07-13T12:11:00.000-04:00

Last night you appeared in my dreams I was wet, you were hungry, it was a memorable scene. You kissed me with open lips as your hands held onto my face. I deepen my tongue into your mouth until I acquired your taste buds. With every single touch you took me to the edge of the most purest ecstasy. I wanted nothing more but for you to please me. The effloresce of my orgasms were your nisus, leaving me in a stage of euphoria as you mount the sulcus of my womanhood. The unattainable pleasure emersed like never before. My body became haptic. We became emulous to each other. In need to please yet yearning to out do each other. I lay there weak and exhausted letting you win this marvelous battle.........this is for you..and you know who you are....Bonita

Absolutely Nothing!

2005-07-12T11:53:00.000-04:00

Nothing Can get in my way
Nothing can stop me today
Nothing will no longer have their say
Nothing will make me stay
Nothing is an option today

Nothing can hurt me now
Nothing will bring me down
Nothing will make me frown
Nothing in this town

Nothing will make me cry
Nothing good about goodbye
Nothing can change a lie
Nothing will ever try

Absolutely Nothing

Bonita 071205

Today's Thought:Gotta Find My Corner

2005-07-11T18:48:00.000-04:00

I am a music buff and my mind is far more advanced then an i-pod, because I know my shit and music has always been my sanctuary (Gary Bartz). But anyho back to my thought. When I was young my get away toy was a radio. Whenever I felt the need to get away from my family I turned the radio on. I remember a song by the Jackson 5, it was titled "Corner In The Sky" Back then I could not understand the meaning of the song. But today I live that song. We all want our own thing, our own corner where we can let our hair down and no one would speak ill of us because everybody knows our name. Plus they are no different then we are anyway. They have the same woe's and the same highs as everyone else. So who are they to say we do not fit in.There was a verse in the song that stuck to me all my life, "Cats sit on the window seal, childrens sit in the snow, so why don't I fit in everywhere I go" When I was young I felt lost, I never completely fit in, Even as an adult when people thought I was in their "Clique" I was still lost. But I believe that I finally found my corner in the sky..........................Boney

Fighting Private Wars

2005-07-11T18:41:00.000-04:00

Back in the day when I was too young to see
I played games, but I did not keep score
Some nights I was in shit knee deep
A few times I knocked on the devil's door.

On bad nights I drank myself to sleep
Because I didn't like myself any more
I slept around, meeting my share of creeps,
I was living on the edge, yet seeking more.

everyone knew me from around the way;
Some might even call me a whore.
I'm a lady so I was discreet and what I do or say,
Since I am not well known on the streets of Baltimore

I continued until that lifestyle bothered me
It began to eat me to the core;
I knew something's needed to be change or defeat.
I was fighting my own private war.

Bonita 071105

Pretty Bird, Pretty Bird, Niala's Song

2005-07-10T21:45:00.000-04:00

This morning I sang to Niala and she responded. She's currently in the kicking stage. Sometimes that can be so uncomfortable but she is life waiting to evolve. Giving life is a beautiful thing. As a mother it's even more precious since we witness the entire process. The growing and the learning years.

Sometimes I wonder who would Niala resemble.. Would she have my silly pointed nose? Or Malik's beautiful brown eyes? Would she inherit my temper. What puzzles me the most is would Niala accept me, love me and be proud that I am her mother. Modern television has this image of today's Mother/Daughter relationships. Mothers appear to be too dorky (Roddie's favorite work) overly condescending. I don't want to be like that. I want to be there for her when ever she needs me to be. I'm not going to pretend to be her best friend and have one of those too close relationships because they don't work all the time. I just want to be the best damn Mother I could ever be to my daughter. Loving & providing for her one day at a time.

Happy Birthday Ya Ya

2005-07-09T18:17:00.000-04:00

Through out my life I had the opportunity to meet some of the most intriqing people. Malik and Moon (Luna) to name a few. But there was one that stands out. When I first met Luna years ago all she said was Nettie this and Nettie that and it drove me batty. So when I first met Nettie I didn't like her because everyone else did and she talks about shit that confusses people and most importantly I didn't like her because she was right....But she was different...and we clinged to her so fast that she became our Yeyo, a Ya Ya that's what we call her sometimes. She is known by many names to many people , if you are close to her she's Nettie, if you are still getting to know her she's Ros or Roslyn and some from back in the day still call her Annette. She doesn't know it but she's a mentor to me, maybe even more then she was to Luna. I copy her writing style, her love for music from cllassical to African music. I hoping to be graced with her knowledge and her wisdom. She's the type of Sister that will share a thought or something informative with everyone that she comes across. The type that even if you only met her once you will never forget her because she will tell you something that you will never forget. When I first read her poetry I was like damn she good and I wanted to do it in that same style. Here's one of her poems.

If All In Love Is Fair

If all in love is fair and it's not just a silly game
Why is it not shared by all, or does popularity holds it's claim.
Why does he who wants so badly to be loved, sits waiting patiently,
Yet those who are careless of ones feelings, flock around freely.
So if all in love is fair, yet those who are in love is but a few,
It is our beliefs that the others are still in search of true love,
have been taunted, betrayed and fooled.
Therefor if all in love is fair, love is for more then just a silly game;
It's an embeded thought, an emotion, a way of life,
it's what makes your daily life sane.
Roslyn Annette Nichols

Not One Tear

2005-07-08T20:32:00.000-04:00

It's been 12 years since I stepped foot into St. Michael's Catholic Church. Father Chuck was still around I remember the last time I was here. Julio and I were attending to marriage counseling because he wanted to fuck around and Father Chuck said there was nothing wrong with a man desiring other women as long as he can provide for them.... Well if you don't know me by now...let me tell ya what happened back then. I said to Father Chuck "You lost your motherfucking mind if you think I'm going to stay married to a whore, fuck Julio and this church" I walked out pregnant and hotheaded. I left Julio and St. Michael's that day and I've been away every since.

Now I'm here for his last call and I can not shed one tear. I looked around at all this crazy chics crying over him knowing that he made babies faster then the energizer bunny. Guess what today I found out that he fathered eight children. Geez Father Chuck I wonder if he could finance them all. But that's not my problem, right?. I married the damn man and all these women are crying over him. Sheila and the other four women looked at me as if I had something to say but I didn't. Some people think that you should not speak ill of the dead. But my mind was racing with more like if I don't have a positive thought keep my mouth shut. But I did have one positive thing to say about Julio. He helped me create Rodrigo. And now I looked down at Roddie hoping and praying that he was not going to ask me why all these women are crying over my Papa. Every time some one spoke of Juio, they cried out and Roddie looks up at me searching for answers. All I could tell him was she was one of Julio's friends and Roddie answered "Oh".

At the burial ground I was asked to placed a rose on his casket. I did it but my stomach knotted up because of fear. 14 years of bullshit build up inside me, tied in knots, causing me not to shed one tear................ Julio when you needed it lease, I cried for you..............Bonita

2005-07-08T20:15:00.000-04:00

Bonita's Thoughts.......

Once I say it
It's been said
and if you can't hear it
It can be read
You can not conceive my thoughts.......

If you feel it,
We are on the same page
I am not dramatic
because I carry no stage
You can not retrieve my thoughts......

It's no secret..
I try to keep it real;
Even though some folks
don't agree with what I feel.
You can not delete my thoughts...........Bonita

2005-07-06T11:11:00.000-04:00

Blaw, blaw blaw, blaw blaw...................Boney

I'm Home Now

2005-07-04T22:00:00.000-04:00

Call me crazy but as soon as Shelia called to tell me that Julio died. I looked straight at Roddie and a thought flashed before me. Cecereo dead, now Julio is dead, oh my god Niala is not going to live. That's when I fainted.

I awaken to Malik starring up at me with bloodshot eyes. He was crying but of course he would not admit it. I asked him about the kids. I have this crazy habit of speaking of Niala as if she's been born already. But he assured me that all was well. Luna took Roddie home since it was getting late and I'm glad that Franklin Square Hospital let Malik stay a few hours longer. Since they are known for being strict.

I found out that my Sisters were in town, surprise to hear that Lolita came along also. When I woke up Sunday morning Carmen & Cecilia were in the room. Carmen was happy (she said that she's in love) and Cecilia looked 20lbs lighter. Cecilia and I don't talk much because she can be judgemental like her mother(Lo) but Carmen is my gurl. Lo was there too, she purposely came in later sipping on a cup of coffee. First thing she said was "I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up" (that's her way of saying hi) She told me that life must be good because everyone is gaining weight. I wanted to say BITCH I'm pregnant but for the first time Cecilia cut in.

Later on Luna stopped by with Roddie and she brought me a box of Godiva truffles,my favorite, almost as good as sex. Even Luna said "if you can't have sex you might as well eat some chocolate" Roddie cried when he saw me and me and my emotionally wrecked self cried with him. It's amazing but he and Julio were going to Six Flags tonight now Roddie is going to his father's funeral.

Last night when I was alone I cried for Julio, not because I love him, because that's not true. I cried because he lived his life wrong. He made too many bad choices. Two months ago I told him that he need to stop messing around with those crazy chica's. Do you know how he answered me? Sure as soon as I leave Malik and come back to him. But he knew that it wasn't going to happen...........................Boney

My Kitty

2005-07-01T11:27:00.000-04:00

When I first met my kitty I was only a little girl
I had no titties and my hair was long with kinky curls,
I touched it by mistake and it made me purr.
I was only a lii ditty so I had no fur,
Every night i laid in bed and stroked my kitty until I feel asleep.
One night Cecilia caught me when she peeped under the sheets...
She told Lolita what I did and Lo called me a nasty dirty ho.
Because a kitty is a secret place that lil girls should never go.
But I never liked Lolita so I continue to make my kitty purr.
I found out how to make it cream when I was older with newfound fur.
My kitty is older and his seen many lives and knows when to be played with
Since my kitty purrs at the tip of a tongue or the dip of a beautiful dick....it purrs, it screams, it convulse, it creams my sweet kitty is my closest friend.

What Goes Around Come Around

2005-06-30T20:16:00.000-04:00

The other day Julio Sanchez was shot three times by a female aquiantance of his. Julia is a truly a player, he played me when we were married, he played me for years after the marriage and now he's been played. I was waitng in the emergency room with Shelia, his fiance. My eyes drenched in tears because of the history that we shared together. We've known each other since the 9th grade. Started going together in the 10th grade at Patterson High School. He was on the Basketball team and I was his cheerleader. We did almost everything together but have vaginal sex. It's funny but he respected me more when I was a virgin. After I lost my virginity to him, he wanted me to explore so many sexual ventures. I felt low most of the time but he was my husband and at the time I clinged to him to get away from home.....Now look at him, lying in bed with 3 gunshot wounds froma woman he mistreated....Many of nights when he didn't come home I dreamt of doing the same thing but I thought differently. Now I feel pity for him. I pray that he lives for his children sake. Rodrigo loves his father regardless of his reckless behavior............Boney

Woo Be Me

2005-06-29T12:32:00.000-04:00

The other day my stepmother told me that I thought that I was better then her and my sisters because I was married to a wonderful man, with a son that's into jazz music, with a good attitute towards life. I have friends who cares about me and not misjudge me or act as if I am better then they are......I am as plain as they come....no better/no worse just plain ol' Bonita.

I try to treat people fairly because they assume things about me that are not true....which goes to show just how fucked up some people can think because they don't really know me at all....

A few weeks ago a co- worker was going to get breakfast so I asked her could I join her. She had this crazy expression on her face that puzzled me all damn day so I asked her what was up with that look that she gave me and she told me that she thought that I didn't hang with plain people (wtf) because she see me hanging with Thalia & Luna.......That fucked my mind up because I don't know if other people felt the same way that she did......I pray to God that they don't because looks don't mind shit to me, it's the individual spirit that grabs my attention, not the looks.............oh well..............Boney

What A Day, What A Day!!

2005-06-28T05:12:00.000-04:00

Well Today was weird as hell, I left the dundalk area over a month ago and so I went back to visit Kiesha and Diago. It was all good until i felt a fucking roach crawling up my capri's. I was too embarrassed to jump so I knocked it off of me on a sly. My thing is people who have roaches should not act surprised when they crawl up visitors legs because the freakin roach was there all damn day.........you feel me........Boney

Haiku U

2005-06-27T18:12:00.000-04:00

Recently Malik and I was sending haiku's to each other via email so I'm going to share the completed set............it's kind of cute............Boney

Your smile lights up rooms
Or turn heads of many people
Boney mi pretty...............M

You are a proud man
with overwhelming pleasure
I reciprocate.....................B

Not one day goes by
Where you were not on my mind
I lived only for you..........M

When I needed love
Your strong arms surrounded me
Never letting go...............B

I asked for true love
And the Lord sent you to me
I am not worthy..............M

When my spirit's low
Our bond keeps me together
Love keeps me lifted.......B

Malik & Bonita Jacobs 062505

Another Thought

2005-06-25T23:32:00.000-04:00

When I am working there is this security guard on the Wolf Street entrance of Johns Hopkins. Everyday I walk pass him coming from a breakfast spot on Monument street. well home boy snaps photos of me with his camera phone then emails them to me as if it's funny. At first I thought that it was cute but now I don't see the humor in this. Mik says that it's not different then starking someone. I don't eant to get the man fired but this shit aint funny anymore....Boney

Other Peoples Woo's

2005-06-25T23:04:00.000-04:00

Today I felt lost with mixed emotions. I had all these friends talking to me asking me for suggestions like a brother and his wife who were recently seperated. But I always wondered who is there for me when I need to spiil my guts. An ex Sister- friend once told me that I keep the real me hidden, then prance around as if it not eating me to the core. Sister friend you are dead wrong because my woos are on the surface and if you look deep into my eyes you would see how hard I am crying to be heard. Sometimes I feel like Logan (Woverine of the X-Men) He obsorbs everyone else illness, wounds and woos. It's not a good thing but I do that a lot and it wears my ass out big time. But people continue to confide in me and I never igged anyone. A friend told me years ago that when people open up to you never turn them away because you might be that one person that motivates them to live. Ya Ya never turns people away and when I needed her she was there for me. So I have to do the same for others. Sort of like paying it forward..............Boney

Please Put My E Back

2005-05-12T09:38:00.000-04:00

Today I realized that the E is missing from my nick name Boney. The E represented my Erotica side. I have been searching for words to form but I could not come up with one complete poem. I had no clever nor sarcastic thoughts flowing thru my bloodline. It's kind of funny because all of the non erotica poets are spitting out nasty lyrics like a nympho and the real nymphomanic is running on E. It's not that I don't have any inspiration because Mik inspires me on a daily. But I'll be back soon.........real soon...........Bonita

Tonights Thoughts

2005-05-03T02:43:00.000-04:00

Today was a hard day for me, Malik is out of town doing business in Miami until tomorrow and I am so fucking horny because I'm being tempted by men and women of my online family. I'm sitting her wet from grinding on the blue boy while listening to Malik's voice on the computer. I cybered with my own husband tonight and it only left me hungrier for that sweet dick of his. Damn I need a good fucking right about now...Bo

Visiions Of You

2005-01-24T00:30:00.000-05:00

Last night while I was lying in my bed,

while my kitty was being devoured by my Boo;

When a vision popped in my head out of

no where and it was the image of you;

I don’t know why that imaged

processed, it left me totally confused;

but as he sucked my bitter honey box

I imagined that it was you..

His voice became your voice;

his touch became yours too,

I imagined seeing painted finger

nails glistening in my honey dew,

I tried to clear my thoughts when

he climbed on top to insert his erection.

While I vision soft succulent breast

carved in pure perfection. I opened my mouth

to suck on a bud of your protruding nipple.

Which caused an orgasmic episode

that turned into a triple. His touch

became your softness as we grinned

against each other from the hips.

I reached out to caress your firm

breast as you licked and kissed my lips.

I was baffled by the mere

thought of me fucking another chic;

Since all my life I’ve only had to

pleasure of being seduced by a dick.

I am not gay but I love a little sex play and

I don’t mind trying something new.

So if ever I had a chance to be seduce by

a woman I would hope that the woman is you..

Bonita Sanchez-Jacobs 012405

Today's thoughts

2005-01-23T19:37:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a dream that I was making love to a gurlfriend. It scared that shit out of me because I never thought about her like that. But I visualized us and it was so real that i felt embarrasssed............... Silly ass horny Bonita

Today's thoughts

2005-01-22T16:46:00.000-05:00

Today I was seriously trying to figure my ex husband out, while Malik was at work Julio calls to tell me that he misses me and wished that I never got married.